The Book of Days

Eternal / Infernal wait

2006-10-24T21:56:49Z

The Mathematics Institute at the University of Warwick plus the university itself fills my time up so much that livejournalling has been dragged away from my list of things to do. And usually I'd have time to just view my friends pages but now that time has been taken up by......differential equations. DAMN YOU MATHEMATICS - WHY DO YOU HAVE TO TAKE AWAY MORE OF MY LIFE!!!!!!

HOWEVER, before you insist that I have sold my soul to the devil (NO PHILOSOPHICAL REMARKS LUKIFER!!), I would like to take this opportunity to show you a brief, if somewhat humorvoll (depending on your taste), look at the workings of students in the MMath Course. YOU REALLY SHOULD WATCH THIS - DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE MATHS - IGNORE THE MATHS. - http://o.tearne.org/G103/download.htm

Sorry again for the countably infinite (if you wish to call it that) delay before my next full post:(

OOH - ALSO HERES MY UNI (EN-SUITE ROOM!!!!!!) ADDRESS:

*DELETED (26/08/2008)*

So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, adieu!!!

2006-07-19T21:33:08Z

Well - today I had my last day of school (in terms of being there this academic year). I will miss everyone at the school - staff (be they teaching or non-teaching) and of course the pupils (everyone I know who has played a part in my student career, from yr15 to yr8 & MY OWN LOVELY YEAR 13s - PS KIRAN I'M REALLY SORRY FOR NOT BEING AT HEADSTRONG - I WAS BUSY DOING STUFF IN PREP FOR HOLIDAY - BUT ITS MY FAULT AND MY PROBLEM AS I HAVE MISSED OUT ON A GREAT PLAY :(:()

I LOVE YOU ALL GUYS - I REALLY DO LOVE YOU ALL - ITS BEEN A ROLERCOASTER, BUT HEY, ADOLESENCE IS LIKE THAT ANYWAY.

*LARGE GROUP HUG OF ALL THE PEOPLE PRAVEEN KNOWS!!!*

I'm offf to new york tomorrow - I have a 9:30 Virgin flight - I wish you all happy holidays and best of luck for the furture too!! Wish me luck for Warwick!!!

PS - THE LARGE ENTRY BELOW IS FOR YOU TO READ - READ IT!!! POEMS TO BE PUBLISHED WHEN I GET BACK. BUT FOR NOW READ THE NEXT LONG ENTRY - COME ON!!!!

Interlude

2006-05-17T08:21:28Z

The problem with maintaining a journal when you have so much to say is that there is little time for updating because so many of the events that cause me to have so much to say occur in my free time, which means updating is postponed. But here's a look at whats to come this study leave.

- POEMS - FINALLY!! After months and months of putting stuff like this off, I can finally do it - I WILL do a collection of three poems - one on the Yr13 Final Day, one on the Yr11 (that is when the current yr13s were yr11) Final Day, and one looking back at my seven year Latymer career as a student.

- REMINDER - MY BOOK NEEDS TO BE SIGNED (See previous entry) AND ALL PHOTOS OF LEAVERS DAY FOR yr13 SHOULD BE SENT TO ME FOR PUBLISHING ON THIS SITE - VIDEOS ARE ALSO APPRECIATED!!!

- A note on when I'm gonna be in for exams - A note regarding the current outlook for the school at the beginnign of the Garbett Era (including a criticism of Garbett and the Garbett Era so far such as the calamity of the cancellation of Dolbe-Keats Bazaar fr the first time in many decades, caused by industrial action), as well as a look back at the Cooper Era.

- A look back at my school photos from Latymer and junior school over the weekend.

- Why everyone thinks I'm dirty suddenly? (no idea why)

- An analysis of families and the principle of teenagers to do whatever they want (i.e. Praveen turns 80)

FINALLY - I SHALL NOW ACTIVATE THE COMMENTS SYSTEM FOR THE PREVIOUS ENTRY. SO GET COMMENTING.

Provisional entry

2006-05-13T11:14:08Z

The following LJ cut will link to the beginning of a long long long entry that I am planning on doing for today. Comments on this provisional entry are disabled - however friends who wish to contact me can do so via e-mail or MSN as they choose. The entry was written last night but was continued earlier this morning - note how the conclusion is muddled - if anyone *luke* wants to help me out on this one, I'd be grateful. As I say - a much much much much much larger final entry will follow.

(Preliminary to the entry - I would like you all to realise that although my mind is currently in a "not really happy mood" at the moment, and I want to engage myself in deep reflective thought, my arse of a brother still has audacity to stay downstairs and watch Ocean's Twelve on TV EVEN THOUGHT I HAVE STRICTLY TOLD HIM THAT I WANT HIM TO GO UPSTAIRS AND WATCH THE FILM THERE - he says no, and I can't kill him. So next time you see my brother, explain to him that when I am typing a livejournal entry, if you disappointed with the entry not engaging in deep levels of thought, kick him where it will hurt him most - because as I look at him right now, he just seems glued to the television.)

(I have tried again....and now he is away from me and the TV is switched off - ok - deep thought can be maintained and the need to kick my brother is ELIMINATED.)

I will begin this entry on a reflective note, not about school, not about friends, and not about family in general, but about parents. And before you argue that this entry is just going to be a critique of my parents and how I am affected, this will not play a central role in what I want to talk about. The other thing that I would also like to point out before I continue is that today is *goes to check calendar then returns to laptop* the Buddhist festival of Vesak (I wish all my friends who are Buddhist a happy and peaceful Vesak, and I also wish them same to non-believers as well), which is a bit of a shock to me really, because it indicates to me that the month of May is passing RAPIDLY. Anyway, the significance of this is that the issue I would like to talk about is a main theme in Buddhist practice. The issue is "Gratitude to Parents".

The reason why I have suddenly developed a want to type about this over other things is because earlier this evening I discovered to my surprise and (in a non-melodramatic way - but in a more "slowly tears are being formed" way) horror that a friend of mine's mother is currently seriously ill. I can't give further details about the specifics of this case because either or both of 1) I have no clue about the details or 2) I am trying to keep the detail to a low level for confidentiality. However, what I also need to point out is that the mother is the only current parent of this person who is alive. What has this got to with "Gratitude to Parents" you may ask. Well, to be honest there isn't a direct link. When I was having my evening nap, I was trying to ponder about the nature of my friend's situation. Throughout the time that her mother has supported her, she has been given the ""normal"" level of freedom that any other teenager would have. Then my mind started to think about the respect that her mother gains from giving this freedom to her daughter, and then I realised how seriously close the relationship between the two was. At this point, I would also like to pass on my hopes and prayers to my friend and her mother on this auspicious day and I hope that she recovers fully. Continuing my reasons, I was also trying to compare my relationship with my parents with the relationship that my friend has with her mum, and I was thinking about how I could never try relating the two because she has been through so may problems - I mean naturally, we have had our share of problems, but never one where a dear loved one has been lost.

Anyway, back to the central title. In this essay, I shall focus on the application of the concept to teenagers and their parents. The problem with gratitude to parents is that the idea of teenage life is that you start to undergo a period of self-discovery, changes and develop a reasonable level of independence from parents while (in the majority of cases) still living under their care, in preparation for the . It is important therefore that for this to work, both sides must work together to find some kind of agreement to ensure as little friction between parents and child take place. Unfortunately, this is all just theory and frequently there are large amounts of friction between the two sides. The problem with the solution I have suggested comes down to a problem that humans have - power & control. The more power that a person has over features in their life, the more control they have over their life. Each side wants to have as much power as possible because they want to be able to control how they live their life as much as possible. So even when the equilibrium state of "each side is getting what they want, bar a few things" is reached, it is an unstable equilibrium and frequently one side tries pushing for more, and this results in arguments and the like. But sometimes, the position of equilibrium isn't always in the middle - in fact the position of equilibrium usually depends on the emotional resilience of the two sides (in my experience at least). To illustrate this, I am going to use two examples to illustrate my point.

The first case study is me and my relationship with my parents - as you are aware, my parents (mainly my mother) are very restrictive. Recently however I have been wondering whose fault it is that I have ended up in the situation that I am in now. Lets start from my childhood - I was a child who could probably be described then (and very probably still now) as naive - I had no idea about the world. My parents, being first generation immigrants in this country were keen to get me on the road to academic success, to bring wealth and prosperity to the family, so they seem to have employed a tactic of "do everything for him but makes sure he has enough time to work hard academically and avoid distractions" – this approach has some grounding in Buddhist principles. This form of nurturing was instilled in me at a young age, so I seemed to go along without a care in the world, but just as long as I kept getting the high grades et cetera. The problem was that this ate into the development of my social skills and at primary school, I was found to be likeable but somewhat insane – I didn’t get on well with friends to be honest, and primary school was an annoying time for me, to the extent that I simply bunked the last week of school in year 6 and my parents didn’t mind (in fact it was them that suggested the idea). The advent of secondary school however was a shock to my system – faced with new challenges both academically and socially. In terms of the academics, I could easily identify where I was going wrong and how I could correct myself, but socially, without having the out-of-school interaction that most people at primary school would have got, year 7 was a shambles and a complete disaster – the same could be said about year 8 as well. Around the time of yr11, I started to realise the problem that I was facing with social life and my diagnosis of the problem led me straight to my parents. The problem was that, because of the dependency I have on them, from early life where my parents did everything and continued this into early secondary school, I didn’t dare try to argue with them on that subject. My gratitude to my parents was instilled in me from day one, with my upbringing of being able to look to my parents for everything, so long as I delivered academically – this appears to look like conditioning and it feels that way too. Like a dog will expect praise from its owner when it performs a task successfully, I was expecting praise everytime I went RIGHT PAST the general standard – in fact its got to the extent where I expect myself to beat the standard and keep pushing myself. The only problem I have to think about now is, recently I have tried to get myself more social freedom given that I am about to go to university. The problem is that when ever I try to argue my point against my parents, my dad is wiling to listen and understands, but my mother is effectively a dead end/bulldozer rolled into one. She doesn’t care about the logic (or lack of) involved in my argument or her argument, she still makes the decision and that’s that, even if I try to argue my way through, inner conviction makes me feel weaker – my conscience is telling me “let this go”, because I feel as though I have to respect my parents, not just because of religion, but because my instinct (and I mean it when I say instinct) tells me that I should not argue because it will only cause more problems at home and I am still a child and have a lot to learn still (on a side note – this does not apply to academic arguments, and clarification of details of events et cetera). The point I am trying to make in this case example is that gratitude to parents can be instilled when the child is at a young age, and it depends on the emotional resilience of the child as to where the equilibrium point is set. In my case, I didn’t have that resilience and so the P.O.E. lies near me (my parents have more power). My worry is with regard to the effect of the position of equilibrium in my scenario, as I am faced with going to university and having my own freedom and having to fend for myself. The conditioning reflex which I mentioned earlier goes into redundancy – suddenly I am left to face the world as an independent adult, without having the parents help me out (to an extent).

*Rereads the previous paragraph* - ah. It seems as though I have strayed quite far from the topic at hand. How do I resolve this one? I shall look at the way that I respect my parents. They gained respect from me because I felt that they were always on the look out for me and so they had a caring responsibility for me. I haven’t worried much about not having the freedom to socialise – I was more concerned for my safety and security. Only once I entered yr11 and sixth form did I discover however that by letting my parents take the reigns a lot of the time, I didn’t have the chance to get a life as such.

*Praveen thinks it stills doesn’t make sense – is considering if he should ignore Luke’s points about “What the f**k this has to do with gratitude to parents?”*

I shall now move onto my second case study – that of my friend. In her case, the P.O.E. is more to her mother’s side, because she is given a lot of freedom, similar to the amount which most people at school get. She seems to have built up a loving relationship with her mother because of the way that she respects her mother for giving her the opportunity to explore life for herself. This so far sounds very positive in that she can through life without worrying as much as I am at them moment. The problem that I can see is one of a motivational and decisional dilemma. She may not be able to do stuff properly because she isn’t pushed hard enough to do stuff (this is me talking in an academic sense), so she may fail in that respect because she hasn’t got the motivation to do stuff apart from “if its fun I’ll do it”, which isn’t necessarily suitable for everything. The decisional issue is based upon not having enough guidance – she is expected to think for herself and in some situations this can be tricky – but I don’t think this issue will have too much of an effect on her. To be honest really, it isn’t easy or, in a peculiar way, right to compare ourselves like this. In her case, she is facing problems that suit the style of “fending for yourself” – she needs to develop independent skills. In my case, I have developed a tendency to stick with my parents on many things, and although I may want to obtain freedom for certain things, I would be heavily dependent on parents to help me. The difficulty for me is that I am stuck with the all or nothing principle in terms of freedom (or at least something quite close to it).

(Aside – recently though, my parents have been offering me choices with stuff, the only problem is I can never decide what to do, because making decisions for myself isn’t something I am good at because of developing dependency on parents)

So in conclusion, the principle of “Gratitude to Parents” can actually be a useful tool in the relationship between parents and teenagers, but it depends on the way in which respect for the parents is gained. I guess in my case, the reason I have seems sensible enough, but I’ve let that take over most of my freedom to my detriment, and I guess that it is the fault of my naivety that it has escalated to this stage. This success of applying such a concept is dependent on emotional resilience too, and the position of equilibrium.

Long update to be scheduled

2006-05-07T21:00:15Z

Many points to cover including:

- Change of date of Yr13 Final Day - Tuesday 16th May 2006 after 1:00
- Never let a yr9 boy borrow your calculator
- Why everyone thinks I'm dirty suddenly? (no idea why)
- How my coursework in Chemistry ACTUALLY went
- Why I can't do Physics Practical Tests
- An analysis of families and the principle of teenagers to do whatever they want (i.e. Praveen turns 80)
- If I could be for just one little hour, Cute, cute, cute in a stupid-ass way - Jaques Brel

and a few more points that I can't remember atm.

aqa_sucks @ 2006-04-28T20:46:00

2006-04-28T21:58:11Z

*Why do I get the impression that I'm in the Stratford Box - even though I'm only in the dark downstairs at home??*

Right - this entry is longoverdue and will be given in "rant-latymerscope" format.

I would like to start by mentioning some news about my chemistry coursework - On thursday, after two nights of work to plug all the holes and fill in all the gaps in my practical book, I gave it in to Miss McGovern - I anticipate I'll get 6/8 for it. Later that day, I asked her what my UNMODERATED (moderation took place on today (Friday's) INSET day) mark for my coursework investigation was (only because a lot of other peeps in my class asked or got told by MGV automatically) - I got 7-9-8 (or 8-9-7 - I can't remember but the central (Implementing) one was definetly a 9) which is 24/30 - nice for a rushed project! This means that after moderation, I shall have achieved approximately 27/38 for my CWK half of Chemistry Unit 5. This means that my Warwick prosepcts look good - I need only achieve a C in Biochem to get my place secured. YAYAY! But naturally of course, I shall be aiming for A's overall - I'm just glad that I have a lot of room for failure (:P).

On the first friday of the easter holiday - good friday - I went to yr14 Josh's Birthday Barbecue which was very nice indeed as I got to meet lots of yr14 peeps that I hadn't seen in ages (love you all & I miss you!!). It all seemed fine and happy (especially now that I know how to play "risk"!!) except for one thing. I made it clear that I didn't want to consume alcohol, and I didn't knowingly do so. However I seem to recall that I only had one drink in the beginning - a coke with ice - that was it, and I detected no change in taste compared to the usual taste. But then, while I was playing "risk" I distinctly felt out of it (if this is the feeling that people like when they drink alcohol when they forget the rest of life and feel detached from their usual self, I have to say, it was an interesting experience BUT I HATED IT - it felt wrong and annoying and dizzy and crap - but I was enjoying the game still). But I swear that I hadn't had any alcohol - I may have sniffed a bit to see what kind of stuff the others were drinking but it was just tiny whiffs! Then the next morning, after going to central london to buy maths textbooks for revision, a large stupid headache/migraine caused me problems for the rest of the day...and then it continued into the morning of the next day..and then into the afternoon, when it gradually went. My mother and I seemed worried that I had been given alcohol without me knowing
so I checked with Josh who was sure that he didn't put alcohol in my cup. I am also sure that I didn;t leave my cup anywhere - it was only out of my hand when it was empty. Unfortunately, my mum seems unconviced and may now put back the restirctions regarding parties etc. Strangely tho, my dad and brother got long headache problems recently... the mystery is unsolved.

I went to Warwick last Saturday to preview acomodation as part of their open day - I have now sent my application in and hope it goes as I planned - I want en-suite so badly!!! My parents, surprisingly, while we were there, said "This place is so moch better than imperial or cambridge", so it get my mother's seal of approval. I think she has a point - its a tiny and not too isolated community - if i were suddenly dropped into a big city away from home, I'd die of shock due to my lack of outside world & independence experiences. I think Warwick is suitable for me - whats more I'm definetly able to visit people in other unis - the easiest person will be emma in yr15 in Selly Oak (Uni of brummieland....University of Birmingham).

I also have an announcement to make regarding my attendance at school after the exams have ended. After the 30th June (i.e. for the month of July) I shall be visiting school on an irregular basis to get my book signed and say my goodbyes and give away long cuddles and hugs to people (This is really depressing) BUT unfortunately I SHALL NOT BE ABLE TO ATTEND THE FINAL HALF DAY (END OF SUMMER TERM) ON THURSDAY 20th JULY. This is because we have already booked flight tickets for my family to go to New York on this date. However, I am still going on the Summer Adventure trip so goodbyes to other people are extended!:P!

I am going to thank Hua Aun for lending me Muse albums - there are lots of songs here that I like and love!

I shall finish by quoting MSN screen names:

"Give me too much freedom too quickly and I might just die of shock - And leave me to fend on my own and I won't change"

"legal as of 18th April"

"Socaddict: you took the words right out of my mouth, it must have been while you were kissing me"

"They came hidden behind dark glasses - Apply online for student support for the Academic Year 2006/07 and go into a draw to win an iPod!"

...."JAKE, CAKE, CAME, LAME, LIME, LIMP, PIMP !!!! WE WIN"..........

"If you have an issue heres a tissue, go jack off"

"I'm a symptomatic love addict"

"it's not rape if you shout "surprise!" "

"My Cereal has given me a message! "ooooooooo". "Those are cheerios." "

"we danced upon a rainbow, and chased the clouds away."

"we speak in silence every time our eyes meet"

"YOU CAN'T HAVE AN AMOEBA AS YOUR POWER ANIMAL DAMN IT!"

Randomisation

2006-04-18T21:15:09Z

Potassium Bromide was used in the 50s in schools to supress feelings of love (as learnt from "That'll teach 'em" on channel 4.

I cannot attend the end of summer term half day :S

(Headache???)

And I HAVE RUN OUT OF TIME!!

aqa_sucks @ 2006-04-13T21:13:00

2006-04-13T20:14:38Z

Heres an interesting website:

http://www.dhmo.org/

aqa_sucks @ 2006-04-11T22:01:00

2006-04-11T21:05:10Z

I have just seen the classic "that'll teach em" programme on channel 4.

This series, they're using the 50s style of teaching in a grammar school.

I wonder what happens if I send 9D (when they're in yr 11) into this environment......

Teachers, teachers, teachers

2006-04-11T14:10:05Z

Thanks to LH's information, I am now going to put the links to some websites here:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/4531944.stm
http://www.thedoghouse.co.uk/Articles.asp?ArticleType=NWS&ArticleID=%7B0245af84-fab5-4cf6-9098-b9e32af3288c%7D
http://www.tsleducation.com/pressRelease040106.asp

In these three sites, look at the information given about one present given to Miss Heath (yes the miss heath at our school) before xmas.

http://www.leonline.co.uk/

This site contains information about the vocal talents of Leon - better know to us as Mr Leon Oxenham (head of ICT). And if you thought that was all there was...

http://leonline.co.uk/stream/BBC%20Radio%20Devon/radio.wma

enjoy.

aqa_sucks @ 2006-04-10T10:15:00

2006-04-10T09:20:37Z

I have decide to allow comments on my mad pizza entry - just to see what happens - I doubt there will be any change.

I have also chosen to post a comment I made to luke regarding our year leaving etc.

"Linking Pythy & Lukifers comments on our year...

Haven't you been looking at what I've been saying & typing up on my journal? Of course our year has changed - in my opinion, the biggest change was from yr11 to yr12, when groups split up and drifted apart - it was a time when the social map of the year underwent semi-radical change.

One set of memories I think I wuld prefer to get rid of are the memories of years 7 & 8 (1999-2001) - these were the worst years because of the feeling of kiddies being released into a seemingly more mature world - admittedly I didn't grasp at new opportunities when they arose as school went on, and I'm not sure if I have still.

I think the dissolution of our year is an anticlimax - kind of the opposite of the year 11 study leave day. I for one am going to try to find a climax to my latymer life by spending time with the rest of the school yr12 to yr9/8 over the final weeks after exams. This way, it'll be my goodbye & farewell, but it'll also be a reminder that if I am in trouble at uni, I'll always have some friends at latymer that I can hang around with when I come back from uni at the end of each term."

Anyway, atm I am bored - I only have biochem, M5, S3 & S4 to revise, my chem practical book to clean up and then I'll be done - but what else to do - another prose-poem-rant-piece for my journals? hmmm maybe, but such things require me to be in the right frame of mind - unfortunately, my frame of mind right now is angular momentum in M5...not a gud start - and I'm afraid I must leave to continue my studies in M5.

Floppy "Soggy" Cheesy Pizza

2006-04-08T20:21:15Z

heres a random comment from my mind:

"Floppy "soggy" cheesy pizza slices - a representation of the kind of party food that annoying "it" american teenagers (girls esp) wuld eat."

wooo (phew) ok - that my 100yr old grandad thought out of my head

(wonder if loren can come up with a randomised rebuttal comment).

a much much shorter entry than the previous one

2006-04-08T19:08:48Z

After having done a large entry as my previous post, I have chosen to keep it short and simple for this entry - thank goodness. I have also decided to recollect te most recent events and go back in time as the entry progresses.

So yesterday then - Friday

evening - I'm working downstairs when my grandma comes downstairs and makes breakfast in the kitchen.......at 8:00pm. It turned out that she had been in deep sleep from afternoon and so he thought that 8:00pm was 8:00am the next day - simply, her body clock (or at least her mind clock) is messed up.

morning and afternoon - leavers photos - I would like to thank Ben Vardy for his wonderful idea about the form group photos. They were great. We also had the standard year and individual photos done too which was very nice. I think, however that this yearbook will be a flop - sorry to the people organising it but, it just seems really rushed - I mean look at the year 11s with their yearbook - they seem to have it so well organised - they've also got a DVD being produced too!! I still need to get a decent photo for use in the yearbook - hmmm.

Thursday

evening - said goodbye to a friend online because she was going to florida for the holidays and wouldn;t be in on friday (flight was at 12:30) - I miss her lots :(:(.

daytime - I MISSED THE DEBATE (selling chocolate) - though I did get to talk very briefly to Miss Golding (who was judging) about Mathematics at university which was nice.

And now I can't think of anything else to say for the mo so......bibi!

Right now - a long long long long long entry

2006-04-01T12:42:48Z

I begin this entry with thoughts about the Music at Latymer concert on the Wednesday of this week. I have to say that it was superb for what it was - BUT IT COULD HAVE BEEN A WHOLE LOT BETTER. Here are my suggestions for what could have been done:

1) AS WELL AS KEEPING THE CONTEMPORARY, EXPERIMENTAL AND POPULAR THEMES PLAYED IN THE CONCERT, we should have heard a lot more classical - that was definetly missing in truckloads.

2) The concert should have ended with a large mass choral classical piece similar to the requiem two years ago or Haydn's Creation instead of Dark Sun, although the dark sun piece SHOULD still be kept in place.

3) A radical change:
a) The concert shuld be in three parts with two intervals
b) The first part should have been an exhibition of the lower school/ lower orchs.
c) The second part should have been dedicated to the senior pupils and chamber groups.
d) The second part should also have ended in the Dark Sun piece.
e) The third part should have been the large choral & orch piece described in 2).

Regarding the non-performance elements of the concert, I HATED the fact that there were loads of staff present to make sure no-one went to the dark upstairs parts of the school. I WANTED TO DO THE DARK UPSTAIRS SCIENCE CORRIDOR WALK - as I have maintained before, every performer shuld walk down the corridor once during the concert (alone - group walks spoil the comfort achieved by the distant playing of music).

Mr Harrison also said to me on the thursday after the concert that he was gonna put a recording of the Dark Sun piece on the intranet - I didn;t take it into my head at the time because he surprised me while I was being petrified by...well see the previous entry. But anyway, I have not been able to find it, so I need to chase him up on that. But performing the Dark Sun piece with Chris Travers (who turned up on the balcony JUST IN TIME!!) was brilliant - the wine glasses were a bit temperamental sometimes, but it was a gud powerful sound effect. Regarding percussion, the round black part of someones beater in our balcony, flew off and went down onto the stage into the brass section!! It was very very funny!!

I must also note that this concert was theoretically my last Music at Latymer, and my last senior choir performance at school. However, I hope to be going to the Gala concert to watch, and also when I'm at uni, I'll also join "Chorus"- the university of Warwick's non-audition choir which does tours! I'll also be coming back to school to do the christmas concerts and the last music at Latymer concerts every year.

I AM ALSO SORRY TO KIRAN, KATHERINE, ELLEN AND TAHSIN FOR MISSING THE A2 DRAMA PERFORMANCE - BUT UNFORTUNATELY I WAS INCREDIBLY BUSY (as were a third of our year) DOING WHAT IS MENTIONED IN THE NEXT POINT BELOW.

Next piece of news - chem cwk - the 8000 word project on the rate of reaction of magnesium with acid is actually shorter than my GCSE science coursework pieces. This annoys me - so now I know my cwk mark is gonna be crap.

I am also going to confirm here one thing - I AM NOW GOING TO THE UNIVERSITY OF WARWICK - Clear?

On Thursday, I also helped out with ensuring that Marcus du Sautoy's visit to Latymer went smoothly. Marcus is a lecturer in mathematics at Wadham college, Oxford University. He lives in Stoke Newington and has a son in year 5 who he hopes will go to Latymer. He came in to lecture the year 9 set 1 groups on the importance of prime number - it had a similar format to his book and Ri Lecture "The music of the primes" but without all the Gauss-Riemann hypothesis things. I was able to see the lecture in periods 4 & 5 with the yr9s and Alex & Hakki from the year 12 further maths set. They were free that time, but I had biology periods 4 & 5 - that was until I asked Dr Ben-Brahim if I could go to see the lecture and she said "I know that you will catch up on the work, so I shall let you go - yes" - seriously, she said that!! Anyway, the lecture was gud, including the two hillarious scenes from the film "the Cube". After that, I listened to a Q & A seesion he was doing with the sixth form on studying maths at uni and studdying at Oxford. I was slightly annoyed at the way he praised Oxbridge for its collegiate system - naturally I agreed that the collegiate system did have its advantages, but I was gonna say to him that there was some discrimnation about the process with the collegiate system. I saved my questions for the talk with him while I showed him around the school during period 6. It was actually quite gud to do the tour alone and without other students (no offence to Saul & Zach), but I needed to get my worries about maths at uni cleared up, and I liked his comments. He was a very nice person - probably got bored with me during the tour, but still a very nice guy.

During the lecture, I also discovered potential mathematical talent - yr 9 kid in 9D called luke (who seems to demonstrate the same levels of intelligence and knowledgeability as the Luke Roelofs we all know and like in our year). I have been speaking to him online for the past few days and he has told me that he wants to do maths at uni (SAUL ARE YOU READING THIS??!!) I hope to ask his teacher and my friend, miss Heath, if I can tutor him with some AS - level maths in a single period in the fortnight timetable. Its gonna be so cool.

Oh yes - I am now gonna list the other non-livejournal sites that I want to bookmark here:

http://luke.slashmedia.co.uk ----> Luke (year9) site
http://www.be3g.co.uk ----> Thomas Kuglins site
http://www.hi5.com ----> Hi5
http://thedon_praveen.bebo.com ----> My own BEBO space
http://www.bebo.com ----> General BEBO website

The next item on my list of things to talk about is the hillarious debate about polygamy which was done yesterday - great performances by Luke, Roisin, Tom, Bernard & Portia (WHO NEEDS TO BE TOLD THAT BIRMINGHAM HASN'T GOT A SEA PORT!!). This debate was a clash of head boy versus head girl, travers versus travers & roelofs versus roelofs. There was lots of bitching about people's girlfriends (li fay), roisin got slagged off quite badly as the regulator of sexual activity, and the environmental factor of sharing a bed with two other people (the idea in mind being Tom, Luke and Roisin). The timekeeping was a bit annoying for me to do - the laughter generated by the speeches took up so much time that lots of the speeches overran by at least 30 seconds - the puns by Iman were gud but required thought - oh well.

Next week, I hope to be selling lots and lots of lovely lovely Fair Trade chcoloate (possibly in the form of large or small easter eggs). I also have to report that after our fairtrade week of seling, £75 went missing from the float or £75 of stock was stolen. This was partially recovered by the tiny cake sale we held later. I hope the profit generated will actually make up for the loss and give us a surplus - so we can actually give money to charities (child sponsorship, forest growing - BY THE WAY WHO SAID IN THE DEBATE THAT WE CAN RECYCLE FORESTS?? A FOREST CAN'T BE RECYCLYED!!! IT CAN BE MADE SUSTAINABLE).

On a link from bitching about in the debate, I am now going to use this part of my entry to empty out the bowels of my honest direct and (UNFORTUNATELY) somewhat bitchy factor that build up from the constipation I get from being the childish honest helpful friendly soul I am at school. First to Chris - this is regarding comments made online - I find some of the things you say very personal and I don't think I can apply them to my own world views. As much as I appreciate and understand your comment, I do feel that I am buckling under the pressure with which you put forward your points, and it feels as though you're imposing these ideas on me. Second, Kiran - I'm not entirely convinced by the point you made about "people lie lots in life" - I'm striving to be a person who is honest with at least 95% of things I say. It gives more of an indication of who I am to other people. And I could link this to another comment to chris - the point you made about me being really immature and naive by being honest seems a bit clumsy in my opinion - what is the logical link between being a kid and being honest - you can learn to lie as you grow up, but this doesn't mean that honesty is to be condemned as something naive.

I am also returning to help other people with personal problems mode because I now feel better that I have got lots of my problems out to other people - some to a larger extent than others.

Heres a tangential point - did you know that the reaction to tickling is meant to be an indication of the person not wanting to undergo sexual activity? Seems a bit contrived to me....but back to my life

I have also decided on my exams for this summer - I can't remember if I have put my A2 Jan grades on here:

AQA Biology A
Unit 6 - Physiology & the Environment & Unit 8W - Written Synoptic (which includes a timed synoptic essay)

Edexcel Chemistry (Nuffield)
Unit 5A - Biochemistry Special Study (effectively = AS biology!!)
Unit 6 - Applying Chemistry - Synoptic (we are allowd to bring our text books in for this)

Edexcel Physics
Unit 5A - Fields & Forces, Unit 5B (group2) - Practical Test & Unit 6 - Synoptic

Advanced Extension Awards (3 hour extension papers with only "merit" & "distinction" being the grades)
Edexcel Maths
CCEA (northern ireland) Physics

STEP Maths (AGAIN???) - STEP II & III

Speaking of exams, I got my dad to sign a cheque to order more past papers from Edexcel - and what date did he sign the cheque as? 1st April - LOL! This seems to be a similar case to the AQA GCSE English Coursework form I remember signing in yr11 - I put 31st March jst to avoid any worry!!

Regarding biochemistry - It seems very easy and it is actually like the AS Biology course - its just repetition to get 45 marks in the bag! But the practicals we have to do are annyoing ang horrendous. In one practical we have to use our own SALIVA, and in another, we need to use a ground up liver, which is to be ground up OURSELVES (naturally, I got Neha to do this for me - thank you!). Oh well.

The Step II and AEA maths papers are arranged in the morning and afternoon respectively on Friday 30th June 2006. This means I start the last day of the national exam timetable with 3 hours of hard maths, go have lunch, do 3 hours of not so hard maths, then go to the leavers dinner in the evening. EEEK!!

I think I also REALLY REALLY NEED to do some "poems" or reflections as they may be known now as - I need to do one on the yr11 last day, yr 13 last day and the last true days of the the 2003-2004 and 2005-2006 academic years, and also on cwm and canoe club.

Finally, regarding the end of my 7 years at Latymer. I am going to use a new large book (rather than the autograph book I had in yr11 and 12) to act as my final sign off from the school. I'm gonna get people to do this from the beginning of the summer term onwards. I shall also visit the school after I have left (as in during the last few weeks of the year) to make my personal goodbyes to loads of people in the school. I'll still visit the school after september tho - I can't forget Latymer, even if it is a sinking ship.
Anyway, thats enough for now.

NOT A LONG ENTRY but a worry

2006-03-30T13:20:47Z

I have just seen a group of people together in the small hall - and they looked at me with cold looks when I tried smiling at them as I was passing with Marcus du Sautoy - what have they been talking about?? what has she been talking about - this may be paranoia, or I might just fall out with my own year.

aqa_sucks @ 2006-03-28T15:39:00

2006-03-28T14:46:03Z

Argh - I'm temporarily back on my journal and have noticed that on my friends page, only squeakyorm seems to have done lots of entries =- WE SALUTE YOU SQUEAKYORM!!

I have been really busy these past few weeks and am now doing lots of relaxing. However, today I am at school, till 9pm for a rehearsal of tomorrows concert finale - DARK SUN by Stephen montague.

I will do a large update when I have time - byeybye.

Inspector Morse - Favourite Episodes

2006-03-18T17:28:35Z

- Second Time Around
- Cherubim and Seraphim

In the latter episode, Morse investigates a case which takes him into the alien world of the rave scene

While he listens to rave music "Thats the hallelujah chorus directed by Sir Adrian Boult!!"

And now the moral bit of the episode - Recreational designer "high" drugs are things which teenagers to take to make them feel so high and happy, that they feel that they've experienced the best of the world, all in one moment, and then the rest of their lives, they fruitlessly seek the same experience again, because they've already reached that high - the highest level of joy is nothing new after the first trip - hence the suicidal tendencies that may occur afterward.

These episodea are so gud - they dive into the minds of young people and its refreshing.

aqa_sucks @ 2006-03-17T12:14:00

2006-03-17T12:16:56Z

i am happy but tired today because I have just handed in my 8000+ word coursework piece on the rates of reactions of metals with acid for chemistry. ITS OVER!!!:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

aqa_sucks @ 2006-03-14T11:13:00

2006-03-14T12:14:53Z

Ok heres a summary of how crap my life has turned

because I opened my big fat mouth about something to someone, I am now in a situation where I feel as tho everyone is taking me really badly.

then theres chem cwk

bio hwk for BEN-BRAHIM

FAIR TRADE FORTNIGHT (or week)

Oh and apologies to John for promising to do a long entry. I got distracted by my chem coursework in for Friday. I once again apologise profusely.

Status Report

2006-03-12T17:20:42Z

Well I think I am out of the large depression patch for the moment.

Am currently in a weird kind of stasis academically - I know that I only need a B in ANY one subject to get into Warwick, so in theory, I should be easing down several gears, I should be focussing more on social life in this last bit of the school year than on getting a gud coursework grade, but I wuld like to get a gud cwk grade for chemistry - but it doesn't seem to be going anywhere!

I also got my hands on the student finance form - which is in effect a SATS paper (or at least laid out in such a fashion). I was hoping to get it all done in one night when I realised at 11:00pm on Thursday evening, that I needed to get the value of my parents income FOR THIS TAX YEAR which ends on the 5th APRIL 2006, as well as evidence for it..................shit.

Also - Warwick are so slow for sending me the letters to confirm that I have put them down as first choice - SEND ME THE DAMN MATERIALS!!!

(after hours of organisaing stuff AND NOT CHEMISTRY CWK :S)

the mood here is very -'ve - My Grandma has now reverted back to her usual "I hate my younger grandson" (my brother) approach. There's been an argument and so yeah its not gud. But then ...REVELATION. I now have an idea why my MOTHER (as opposed to my father, who sort of was forced into agreeing with her) wouldn't let me out at all beforehand. She wants me to be safe and secure and away from harm, so that I will be sound in body and sound in mind (I'm not sure how her logic works with this bit), so that I can grow up, get a good degree, get a good job, and earn lots of money for the family. Sounds simple and obvious. But what makes my case interesting is the APPROACH to this line of thinking - instead of it being taken as a general aim or objective, its a specific target and so every single bit from childhood through to the end is geared to meet this target fully.

Anyway, i feel I can't write a long rant about this, because I feel tired. Sorry guys. By the way, I've suddenly had a drought of comments - which is a surprise.

HYPER - HAPPY - HYPER - HAPPY - HYPER - HAPPY.....

2006-03-09T19:40:22Z

After countless days of :(, this is the situation - four degrees of happiness (3 of which are exam results) + a thank you:

1) Firstly, I would like to thank Pythy for a conversation online - hughughughughughughughug......

2) The Senior Choir piece which we now have to learn in TWO WEEKS :S:S is Dark Sun by Stephen Montague. This piece is dedicated to the memory of those who lost their lives in the atomic bombs in Nagasaki and Hiroshima in the Second World War. It should be taken seriously therefore, and the piece overall is very effective, but the way that it is performed is very very weird indeed. For example, the notation used is very different to classic notation, the choir get percussion instruments like wine glasses and fire alarm bells, montague (who as well as having composed the piece will be conducting it at the concert) has to do a sweeping arm action to get each section of the choir to change from one section to another (for physicists, find the angular velocity of his arm (4 marks)), and (the weirdest bit), there is a section in the piece where (and I'm not joking here) we have to play or sing or hum a tune or piece of music that would have been heard by people in August 1945. The sheer scale of the task at hand makes it difficult, but it should be fun to do!!! I love it because it is so weird but it is very effective. I think I'll enjoy it.

3) Results - January 2006 Modules

Biology Unit 5 - 90/90
Chemistry Unit 4 - 90/90
Physics Unit 4 - 81/90 (don't play my mother and ask me where the other 9 marks went)

All A grades.

I hope everyone else did well too.

aqa_sucks @ 2006-03-08T18:59:00

2006-03-08T19:21:41Z

First - I like to apologise completely for the entry that I previously posted that has now been deleted. On reflection, I was being insensitive and I didn't mean to cause any offence.

Second - I am about to fill in my Student Finance form in one night - efficient me.

Third - Results tomorrow

Fourth - Fair Trade stuff arrived

Fifth - Chem cwk sucks - BUT WE MADE SLIME IN THE LAB!!!:D:D:D

aqa_sucks @ 2006-03-04T22:09:00

2006-03-04T22:09:54Z

Get your own spectral analysis from Area 23^®

aqa_sucks @ 2006-03-03T16:30:00

2006-03-03T16:36:31Z

- have FINALLY finished my practicals for Chemistry Coursework (and it has taken 50 years off my life, so I'm now 301) (possibly fudged a few results but yeah), hence am SO TIRED

- Warwick (neutral -> slightly negative/positive feeling I think??????)

- My brain is dead - need to.....WATCH MIDSOMER!!:D:D

- Fairtrade fortnight next two weeks - MORE WORK?? :'(:'(:'(

- Overall I have felt quite happy at how the day (MINUS CHEM CWK) has gone briskly, and that chem cwk is nearly over.

hmmm - in other news

2006-03-02T09:26:05Z

Have just been to see the year 11 Yearbook Awards Ceremony - And there were a few awards that were gud and some that were outrageous, but never mind that. Reminds me of my last day of yr11...anyway before I turn into cheese and go down memory lane, what was intereseting to note was that Mr Wood is leaving to go off to live in Wirral. He's going to marry Miss O'Keefe and they both want a fresh start. Oh well - gud luck to the both of them.